Sarah, a new student to the School of Transformation, shares boldly how God has moved in her life since joining the school.
This past month has almost been a whirlwind. There’s been so much God has been doing in me, yet when I stop to think and process everything, it truly feels like time is passing by and I am standing still while He and I talk, explore, and discover in this season together.
A little over a year ago, I was asked if I wanted to do the School of Transformation. Without hesitation (and probably without getting enough details), I responded with a resounding NO. The reasons were superficial, and when asked why I didn’t want to do it, I don’t think I gave any reason other than that I simply had no desire to join the school.
There was, however, a much deeper reason for not wanting to join last year. I hadn’t yet been at All Peoples for a full year, and I was still adjusting and resonating in the simple commitment of again belonging to a church, which was difficult for me.
A couple of years earlier, God gave me the choice to stay or leave the current environment I was in, which led to me praying for a six month period. A friend, who had no knowledge of my situation, had a very vivid picture for me that displayed Jesus behind any choice I made at that point in time – which was an entirely new concept (I thought He would direct my every move!). To say the least, there was very much a steady process of my returning to church, and returning to community (Lifegroup). Through several meetings with my mentors, I decided to commit to coming to All Peoples, even though there was a fear of having wounds open that weren’t fully healed.
So this past year allowed for more healing and restoration in several areas of my life, although working through the hurt has been on-going process. I’ve come to learn that it’s okay to go through processes with God – He never demands that we heal immediately, and even when we feel like we’re going backwards, He’s right there with us as long as we allow Him to be.
So this year I decided, still with hesitation, to do the School of Transformation. I’ll skip a few details and jump right to our first T-group meeting (smaller groups that meet monthly to assess how students are doing and offer support where needed). I had an emotional breakdown when my leader asked three simple questions: 1) What did God speak to you for this year, 2) What are some practical ways you can do that, and 3) How can we help keep you accountable?
I knew that I needed to be able to be under authority and not have walls or defense mechanisms constantly popping up in my heart and mind. With that, I told them some things God had said, and then I let the floodgates open and unleashed how much I truly struggled with the idea of authority. I wanted to be able to trust people again.
There really is something so freeing about being in a safe place, with safe people, and being able to be vulnerable and honest. From the very beginning of the school, at our retreat, it has been established that this is a safe place, and we are safe with each other, because we are all walking through the ups and downs of life on our journey with God. One of the ladies in my group said she saw so much break off of me just speaking that out loud, and allowing God to work in that place of fear.
Last week, we finished reading Independent Me by Kely Braswell. I sincerely had mixed emotions and thoughts prior to reading the book, and felt like I knew what it was going to say. I argued, in my head, that it wouldn’t take my experiences into account. Before I started reading, I asked God to help me – help me see, trust, and learn – help me recognize that His truth does not dismiss my experiences or need for healing. He acknowledged that need, and still helped bring me into a right relationship with His truth, while learning to trust again who He has ordained, and the areas He places me in.
This journey of healing and restoration has been a few years in the making. This past month has held an incredible amount of breakthrough and freedom for me, not just in the area of spiritual authority, but in several others as well. Each week there are different topics discussed, and while there is time to meditate on God and worship in class, the time with Him outside of class is where everything really marinates and becomes part of who you are.
As we entered a time of worship last week, I looked around and saw 60+ lives colliding in one room, and realized just how incredible this time and space is. We are all journeying together in the school, and God is working exponentially through each one of us in San Diego. That produces humbleness and gratitude in me, for how God is so faithful and so kind.
Without hesitation, I can say that I am so grateful to be a part of the School of Transformation. It’s only been a month, and I am full of anticipation for the plans God has for the rest of this year!
Thank you to Sarah Moses for sharing her story!